Do you think I'm fat?
by shadowgamer94
Summary: A simple question has Toshiro Hitsugaya going insane. A dreaded question that seems to have no point or meaning to it. What will happen when his Lieutenant asked it?


**Do you think I'm fat?**

Toshiro X Rangiku fanfiction

"speaking"

'thinking'

Translations: Taichou- Captain

Seireitei- Soul Society

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or its characters.

* * *

Toshiro Hitsugaya, Taichou of the tenth division of the Seretei, was spending his night at a local kareoke bar, having a few drinks, in the Seretei. Now, normally he didn't spend his evenings like this, but his childhood friend Momo had convinced him to go with her and a group of friends. He had been sulking on a bar stool when an extremely large bosom pressed against the back of his head, and the life was squeezed out of him by a pair of strong of arms around his neck.

"M-matsu . . . moto . . . g-get off . . . me!" he choked out.

"Aww but Taicho! You're just so cu-ute when you're sulking. Why don't you join the rest of us and have some fu-un?" Rangiku Matsumoto cooed.

He looked over to "the rest of us" and saw most were passed out drunk or strung over the furniture in random places. Ikkaku was trying to sing a crude rendition of Chop Suey by System of a Down, but he was so drunk it was slurred and incoherent that no one had any idea what it was supposed to be, not that they would have if they were sober.

"No thank you. Now please, Matsumoto, leave me be." he said and then returned to his drink. Rangiku sighed, and then returned to the party, or what was left of it.

Not long afterwards, Momo sat next to Toshiro, and she was obviously upset, and a bit drunk, which wasn't surprising. She was still hurting from Aizen's betrayal, even if she tried to hide it.

"He-ey, Toshiro! Why are you sitting alone? Do you not like us or something?" She sniffled.

'Oh great,' he thought, 'Momo is one of those self-conscious drunks.' "First of all, Momo," he started, "you will address me as _Hitsugaya_ Taichou, and secondly . . . I'm sitting here because I choose not to be involved in any idiocies performed by your 'merry' group."

"Oh . . . cause I thought you might not like . . . me." She put her face in her hands and started crying for no reason.

"M-Momo, er, s-stop crying please. Look, you've been one of my closest friends for a very long time. You don't have to worry about me not . . . 'liking' you. All right?"

She sniffled and lifted her head up. Her eyes were red, but at least she wasn't crying anymore. "Toshiro . . . do you think I'm fat?" she suddenly asked.

"....... Excuse me?"

"Do you think *sniffle* I'm fat?"

"I-uh . . . what does, um, that have to do with . . . anything?"

She was starting to lose her patience. "Do you think I'm fat?!"

"Why are you asking me that?"

"Just answer the question!" she snapped.

"Fine, whatever . . . no I don't. Happy?"

"Yay!" She grabbed him in a bear hug. "Thank you Toshiro!"

"It's . . . Hitsugaya . . . Taichou." He choked.

He was walking back home that evening, thinking about his night. 'What an odd question. I wonder what enticed her to ask it? And why to me?'

On his way home he found Nemu crouched down in an alley, and she appeared to be crying, which he found odd given the fact she was created by Kuritsuchi Taichou and had never seen her cry before. He knew she had been seeing that Quincy, Uryu, so it probably had something to do with that. "Kurotsuchi . . . fukutaichou?" he called. She lifted her head to look at him at the sound of his voice, and she quickly wiped her eyes.

"Oh, good evening, Hitsugaya Taichou. What brings you here?" she asked. It often unnerved him how quickly she could put herself together and hide her emotions. "I was just heading home. Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you?" She gave him an empty smile.

He let out a sigh. "Would you like me to accompany you back to the twelfth division?"

She thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. "That would fine, thank you."

They walked in silence for a while, and Toshiro wondered if she was ever going to say anything. She looked like she wanted to, but she would stop herself before she did. He let out another sigh.

"Is it the Quincy?" was all he asked.

"I'm sorry . . . I would rather not talk about it presently." She responded coldly. He nodded and kept silent.

They kept walking, and were almost to the twelfth division when Nemu broke the silence. "Hitsugaya . . . Taichou," she started. "Hm?"

"Do you . . . think I'm fat?" she asked.

'Not Nemu too!' "N-no . . . why?" he asked cautiously. She tilted her head down to look at the ground, smiled, and blush? "No reason." she said.

They had finally reached the twelfth division, and Nemu bowed in farewell to Toshiro. "Thank you very much, Hitsugaya Taichou." She smiled. He nodded and turned around to continue his way home.

The next day, Toshiro had to send some reports to the fourth division, but for some reason, no one in his tenth division was around to do it, and his busty fukutaichou, who was passed out on the sofa in their office, wasn't going to do it. So that was why he was outside Unohana Taichou's office with a stack of papers in his hand. Sighing to himself, he knocked.

"Come in." A soft voice said. He opened the door and walked in. Inside was a small office with a quaint desk in front of an open window that allowed the sun to filter in. Behind the desk, was Unohana working diligently as she normally was.

"Ah, Hitsugaya Taichou . . . what brings you here today?" she asked.

"I have the reports from the latest Hollow battle form the tenth division." he said while placing the reports on her desk.

She nodded in recognition of the fact. "Thank you . . . but that's not exactly what I meant. Isn't there someone else in your division to deliver them?"

A vein showed on Toshiro's forehead, and the temperature dropped drastically. His teeth clenched even as he was talking with a strained smile. "No . . . apparently they're all too busy or lazy to be bothered with such _menial_ tasks." he answered.

"Yes . . . I see. Well, thank you again."

He nodded and turned to leave, but was stopped by Unohana's voice. "Before you go . . . can I ask you something?"

By then, Toshiro was on guard and alert for danger he feared was coming, but he tried not to let it show when he answered: "S-sure."

"I know this might seem like a silly question, but I would like your honest answer."

"Y-yes?" The fear was creeping into his voice.

She took a deep breath and exhaled. "Do you think I'm fat?" Toshiro fainted.

He woke in an unknown bed, in a daze. He assumed he was in the fourth Division because of the type of bed he was in, and because the fourth Division was a medical division. Also, there was the fact that the fourth Division's fukutaichou, Isane, was at his bed side monitoring him with a clip board in her hands. He sat up in his bed, but Isane was there immediately.

"You really shouldn't get up so soon after waking." She advised.

"I'm fine."

"I wouldn't say so. I diagnosed your loss consciousness as due to fatigue due largely to stress. If you are aren't careful, you could seriously injure your health. You really should get some rest."

"But I said I'm fine." He tried getting up once again, but Isane actually pushed him back down.

"I said _rest_!"

"Grr . . . fine."

He expected her to leave after her work with him was done, but she sat in a chair next to his bed and stayed.

"Hitsugaya Taichou." She started.

"Hm?"

"Why do you work so hard even when you end up like this?" she sounded genuinely concerned.

"That's a stupid question, it's because I'm the Taichou of my entire division. I have many responsibilities."

"Yes, but . . . why doesn't anyone help you? You have Rangiku as fukutaichou don't you?"

"Yes, and sometimes I don't know why I do. She never helps with the paperwork, she's always either drunk or sleeping, she constantly treats me with disrespect–" He continued to list all his complaints about his fukutaichou. During his rant, Isane couldn't help a smile and thinking, 'wow, he really has strong feelings for her, doesn't he?'

When he was done ranting, he took a few seconds for breath before continuing. "Still . . . I can't seem to see myself getting rid of her. I mean, she is strong, kind, very loyal, and has come to be one of the few people I trust completely. I guess I've even gotten used to working through her snoring." He chuckled. He noticed Isane giggling so he gave her a questioning look.

"What?" he asked.

"With all due respect, Hitsugaya Taichou, I think you lo–" She was interrupted by the door bursting open. In the doorway was a very flushed Matsumoto Rangiku.

"Taichou!" she called and flung herself at Toshiro. His face was implanted in between her large mounds, suffocating him in her trademark hug for him.

"Taichou! I came as soon as I heard you passed out! How many times do I have to tell you, Taichou? You should relax more and not get so stressed out all the time."

"Rangiku!" It was Isane who yelled.

"What, Isane?"

She pointed at Toshiro. "You've suffocated him." And sure enough, Toshiro had passed out from fatigue and loss of air.

"T-Taichou!" Rangiku exclaimed at the limp Toshiro in her arms.

"You shouldn't have been so ahem, 'physical', with him. He's under a lot of stress."

"Oh poor Toshiro. Maybe I should help out with work sometime."

"That may not be a bad idea." Isane said, remembering her conversation she just had with him. "But don't worry about it too much. I don't think he minds." She smiled.

Toshiro was released from the fourth Division's care the next day. He was just getting out of an extremely boring mandatory routine meeting of the Gotai thirteen. On his way out, Soi Fon stopped him.

"Hey . . . heard you fainted the other day. What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing . . . now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do." he said. He tried walking past her, but she continued to block his path.

"Wait a second I'm not done. Anyway . . . I was talking with some jerks at a bar, and well . . . " She turned her face away from him and blushed. "Do _you_ think I'm fat?" After receiving no answer, she turned her head back, only to find Toshiro gone. "Grr, men!"

He had flash stepped it out of there, and was now racing on the rooftops of the Seretei. 'That . . . question!'

Suddenly, a pink blur was racing along side him on the rooftops. "Yachiru! W-what are you doing here?" Toshiro exclaimed.

"Well, Kenny's busy and I saw you running and I thought it looked like fun, so I wanted to join you." she replied. "By the way . . . do you think I'm fat?"

"AHHHHHH!" he yelled and increased his pace twofold.

He didn't stop running all the way to the tenth Division's building. He jumped through the window to his office, bolted the door and windows, and hid under his desk.

'What is wrong with the Seretei's women?! And why do they keep asking me that question?!'

When he was able to slow his heartbeat and control his breathing he was quite embarrassed of his actions. "Why am I hiding? I'm glad no one saw me like this. I have a hard enough time getting respect as it is." he said to himself.

He unbolted the door and windows and sat in his desk chair after setting Hyoinmaru up against the wall. He took a look at the piles of paperwork on his and Rangiku's desk. He sighed at the sight. "I guess Matsumoto hasn't done _any_ paperwork while I've been gone, as usual. Oh well . . . maybe paperwork will calm down." He took the first sheet of paper off the closest pile and went to work.

Rangiku came in about five hours later, surprisingly sober, and wasn't surprised to see her little Taichou working on paper stacks bigger than him. Even with all the time he put into it, he had only completed about half of the work.

She tried to sneak back out before he noticed her so she wouldn't have to do any work when he suddenly said: "Matsumoto . . . " without looking up from his work. He pointed to her desk and the paperwork on it in an obvious command to sit and work. Knowing she wouldn't get out of, she did as she was told.

They had both been working not even a full hour when Rangiku fell asleep. Toshiro continued to work through her snoring, and hadn't even noticed the sun go down and come up. He rubbed his tired eyes and yawned. He looked over to see Rangiku still sleeping.

'I bet if they paid her in sake she would work.... diligently.' he thought to himself and smiled. He wouldn't admit it, even to himself, but there was a lot about her he found beautiful. Her long, strawberry blond hair, her deep blue eyes, her full lips, her curvy figure, her long legs, and yes her ample "assets." He loved how her hair framed her beautiful face. He didn't even realize he had been staring for a good five minutes. He stood up and stretched, and he took out a handkerchief from his desk. He walked over to Rangiku's desk and wiped the drool from her chin and the paperwork she slept on. She sniffed and mumbled something in her sleep that he had to strain to hear.

"Mm . . . Toshiro." she mumbled. He blushed furiously, but then smiled. He brushed a strand of hair from her face, and cupped her cheek in has hand. Realizing what he was doing, he quickly pulled his hand away, blushed again, and returned to his desk.

Not long afterwards, Rangiku woke up. She looked over and saw Toshiro still working. She could tell he hadn't slept at all given his bloodshot eyes and stressed physique. She felt frustrated at him for continually pushing himself too hard, but she also felt her constant admiration for her little Taichou. She always admired his strength and determination, even if he constantly disregarded his own well being. She had to distract him somehow.

Toshiro had felt Rangiku wake, but continued his work without saying anything. Rangiku broke the silence. "Um . . . Taichou?" she said to make sure he was listening.

"Hmm?" he let her know he was paying attention.

"... Do you think I'm fat?"

Now, there's a legend in the Seretei. Some say it was due to lack of sleep, others say it was stress, and some even said is was due to long buried feelings. It is not known for sure, but one thing _is_ for sure. On that day at that moment, Toshiro Hitsugaya snapped.

He stood quickly and slammed his hand on his desk; scattering th papers everywhere. He took one long breath and said: "How dare you ask that! I never want to hear that question again, especially not from you! You are beautiful, smart, kind, strong, and not even close to what could be called fat!" The words kept tumbling out before he could stop himself. "I will not have the woman I love doubt herself! Is this understood?!"

"T-Toshiro . . . " She was speechless.

He was breathing heavily by the time he finished. It took him a few seconds to realize what he just said to her, and even longer to realize it was true. When he did, he was mortified.

"R-Rangiku! I-I-I . . . " He didn't know how to explain what he only just realized himself.

All of sudden, Toshiro was lifted off the ground in a crushing hug. "Eek! My Taichou thinks I'm beautiful!" Rangiku squealed. She lifted him to her face and kissed him. She held the kiss for as long as breath would allow before pulling away. Toshiro was shocked to silence.

"I love you too, Toshiro." she said before kissing him again. After overcoming his shock, he smiled at her. "Yes of course you do. Now can you put me down?"

"Oh no you don't. I'm not putting you down so you can work yourself to death. You need to sleep." she said and carried him to the sofa. She dropped him unceremoniously on the sofa, and went to the closet. She opened it and pulled out the blanket she would always use to sleep during work.

"R-Rangiku! What are you doing?!" he asked.

"_We're_ going to sleep. Understood, Taichou?" She told him in a tone that stated there would be no arguing with her.

"But there's still work to be done." He tried to reason.

"Then we'll do it after our nap." She stated before lying down next to him and brought the blanket over both of them. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in. She stared him in the eye and commanded: "Now sleep."

He sighed in resignation. "Fine, but only for a little while." She smiled at him. "Fine." He wrapped his arms around her waist, and fell asleep almost immediately. She laughed at the sight of her sleeping Taichou.

"Wow, he must have been _really_ tired." she said to herself before falling asleep as well.

Ironically, it was that hated question that brought the two together. Though, Toshiro still hates that question, especially when his daughter asks it.  
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First of all, I _love_ this pairing. It's just so... cute and funny. I wanted to do something for this pairing, and then I thought about the question that makes no sense to me. I mean seriously! Any women reading this probably won't get the point, but the guys know what I'm saying, right? And that's all I'm going to say on the topic. Anyway, R & R!


End file.
